


the many worlds theory

by saintpyrite



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:28:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27108766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintpyrite/pseuds/saintpyrite
Summary: Janus has a theory that they get it right in one timeline but he knows it's not this one.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 11
Kudos: 22





	the many worlds theory

“We can’t keep doing this,” is how it starts, it’s how it always starts.

Virgil corners him against the wall, towering over him and he’s beautiful, a statue of stone brought to life carved to make men weak in the knees and Janus would be foolish to turn away such a man. He wonders if Virgil thinks the same way, wonders if he looks at Janus and sees art in his soul as well and wonders what materials brought Janus into his life or if he looks at him and sees nothing but a means to an end, a black hole that drags him in and stretches his will to a point where reason is eclipsed by hunger.

They shouldn’t do this but it hasn’t stopped them before, even if it’s slowly killing Janus inside. He lets Virgil kiss him once, then twice, then a third time. He kisses back, hands threading through the thick locks of purple hair that reminds him of kings and prophets. He feels blessed and holy when Virgil drags his teeth against his lower lip, drawing blood and it  _ hurts _ , oh god if it doesn’t hurt but he whines and begs for more anyway.

They’re bad for each other, Janus knows that and Virgil knows that but it’s  _ familiar _ , it’s  _ comforting _ and there is  _ hope _ that one day, somehow, they might learn to be good for each other instead of this sick, twisted game they find themselves in. Virgil invites him to bed and he should leave.

He follows Virgil to his bed, lets himself be laid down and treated so gentle and he feels so loved. Nothing good ever comes out of the aftermath but right now, here at this very moment, the world makes sense and Virgil says his name as if it’s a hymn; as if he loves him and that’s all Janus could ever ask for. He wonders if Virgil feels loved when Janus digs his nails into his back deep enough to draw blood; if he feels the searing heat that will burn them alive pouring from Janus when he arches into the other man’s touch and how much he  _ needs _ Virgil around when he calls his name or how he rests against him under the sheets when the deed is done.  


It’s these moments, simple little things, that remind him of what they once were and there’s always that glimmer of hope that maybe someday, at the end of it all, it’s going to stay this way. It’s going to be just the two of them after all. Maybe one day, Janus would wake up and find Virgil resting beside him breathing shallow as he slept instead of pulling clothes over his head, already making his way out of the door in the early dawn. And armed with such thoughts and dreams, Janus fights with nails marking into pale skin and bruises on his neck and his name on the end of his silver tongue, even though he knows they always end up in ruins.

_ What a pretty little lie, _ Janus laughs bitterly to himself when he sees Virgil gathering his clothes in the morning.

The bed dips and Virgil looks over his shoulder at Janus, “What’s so funny?”

Janus’ fingers reach out, always ready to take what he wants and yet, Virgil feels so far away. He rests his fingers at the top of a red gash left by his own volition, tracing down the scratch. He’s thinking of many things, he never stops thinking when it comes to Virgil but looking up at those curious eyes, he chuckles again.

“I was thinking about something, the many-worlds theory... ” Janus asks, watching as Virgil shivers under his touch. “Have you heard of it?”

“No,” Virgil hums in response and he says nothing when Janus presses himself against Virgil’s back, arms lazily wrapping around his neck. 

“It’s quantum mechanics, Logan and I spoke of it once. It holds that there are many worlds which exist in parallel at the same space and time as our own,” Janus lets his hands pull back, trailing down the expanse of Virgil’s back and he smiles bittersweet knowing nothing good comes of this conversation, “It means that somewhere in some timeline, in some parallel to this world, we figure this out; we have a whole life together where we love each other and everything works out.”

There is a tense silence and Janus has never felt colder, even with his bare skin touching Virgil’s own. It’s cold and lonely here in his bed, even with the company. 

“Do you ever think about stuff like that, Virgil?” Janus whispers, quiet and praying Virgil doesn’t hear. 

“No,” Virgil whispers back before he stands up, gathering the remains of his clothes and takes his leave. He didn’t stay again, everything burns to ashes and succumbs to ruined fragments of what once was, what could have been. Maybe in another timeline, another world somewhere.

“Yeah, that’s what I figured.”

**Author's Note:**

> One day, I'm going to let Janus and Virgil be happy in a fic. Just not today, it seems.


End file.
